5 resolutions that will make you a better parent this year

Many people do not make New Year's resolutions, because they are making the same resolutions every year. But that does not mean you're a failure. It means that you are heading in the right direction and you are not perfect yet. (Shocking, I know!)

The bad news is that this year you will not be perfect either. The good news is that you do not have to be. Children do not need the perfection of parents. What they need is a father who accepts them with all their imperfections, shows compassion and respect, and apologizes and reconnects when things go wrong, as is inevitable.

This is hard work, because it is about regulating our own emotions. That's why the resolution to be more patient rarely works. The moment we are clenching our teeth to keep ourselves "patient", we are already sliding towards the stress response of struggle, flight or freezing.

But if you want to be a more patient parent, and a happier person, it is completely possible. Here are 5 simple resolutions to help you create a home with less drama and more love. Practicing this is your life's work, so you still will not be perfect in a year. In fact, you can make these same resolutions next year! But I guarantee you that he will be a more peaceful father, with a happier and more cooperative child.

1. Decide to work to regulate your own emotions, 

so that you can be the emotionally generous father you want to be. Start by integrating sustainable self-nutrition into your daily life: go to bed early so you can rest better, eat healthy to maintain your energy, transform those negative internal comments into encouraging comments and slow down so that it is not. Stressed

The most important thing of all is to commit to handling their reactions. When you are in fight or in flight, your son looks like the enemy and you cannot teach well. Simply say No to take any action while you are angry.

Does this sound hard? It's. Maybe the hardest thing we ever do. But that urge to act is a sign that you are in "fight or flight". Calm your discomfort before committing to your child.

Every time you refine your own "tantrum" you are rewiring your brain. Each time you choose love, it makes the next election easier. There is no time like the present to begin. And you'll be surprised how your child changes, as he improves self-regulation.

2. Resolve to love the person you are with. 

The only thing we know with certainty about child development is that children who feel loved and appreciated thrive. That does not mean that children who ARE loved, many children whose parents love them do not prosper. Children who thrive are those who feel loved and appreciated for exactly what they are.

Each child is unique, so take a different approach so that each child feels seen and valued. The hard work for us as parents is to accept who our son is, the challenges and everything, and appreciate him for being that person, even as he guides his behavior. The secret? See it from your perspective, empathize with it and celebrate each step in the right direction. Maybe the most important thing? Enjoy your son!

3. Resolve to remain connected.

 Children only cooperate and "follow" our leadership when they feel connected. But separation occurs, so we have to reconnect repeatedly.

Remember that quality time is about connection, not teaching, so it is mostly unstructured. Hug your child first thing in the morning and say goodbye. When you meet later in the day, devote fifteen minutes only to your child. (What do you do in those 15 minutes? Listen, pity, hug, rude, laugh, play, empathize, listen a little more, do not have enough time, what could be more important?)

Stop working and turn off your phone and computer before dinner so you can focus on your family. They eat together without screens and listen a lot. Talk to each child at bedtime and talk calmly.

4. Resolve respect for the model to follow.

 Do you want to raise children that are considerate and respectful throughout adolescence? Take a deep breath and speak to them respectfully. After all, children learn from what we model. If we cannot control our own emotions, we cannot expect our children to learn to manage theirs. It is not always easy when you are angry, so remember your mantras:

·         "It's not an emergency."

·         "I'm the role model."

·         "He is acting like a child because he is a child."

·         "Do not take it personally."

·         "This will happen too!"

5. Resolve to address the needs and feelings that drive your child's behavior. 

The most important time to stay in touch with your child is when you act. All "bad behavior" is a warning signal that your child needs your help to handle big emotions or satisfy unmet needs. Once you address the feelings or needs, the behavior changes. If you can lead with a loving example, redirect in a preventive way instead of punishing ("You can throw the ball out"), and set limits in an emphatic way ("I see how crazy and sad you are, do not hit, hit wounds. words to tell your sister how you feel, I will help you ... ") you will raise self-disciplined children who WANT to follow your guide.

Sure, your son will make mistakes, and so will you. There are no perfect parents, no perfect children, no perfect families. But there are families that live embraced by a great love, where everyone thrives. The only way to create that kind of family is to make daily decisions that take you in that direction. It is not magic, only the hard work of the constant correction of the course to get back on track when life inevitably spoils you.

So do not worry if you are making the same resolutions every year. That just means that you stay on track by choosing, over and over again, to take positive steps in the right direction. Before you know it, you will find yourself in a completely new landscape. Parenting, after all, is a journey, not a destination. For today, just choose less drama and more love. You will be surprised how far it takes you.

And if keeping these resolutions sounds like too big an impulse, that simply means that you need more support. This is one of the most difficult jobs anyone has ever done, and we all need help from time to time.

Fortunately, if you are resolving to be the best parent you can be in 2019, I have it covered.

Use these blog posts as your own supplemental training library to help you feel better, be more patient and emotionally generous, connect more deeply with your child and train your child to be their best. Remember, you can subscribe to get them directly in your entry box.

Do not forget that the website has hundreds of articles about children of all ages.

Have you already taken the online course of Happy Peace Parent, Happy Kids at your own pace? I guarantee that you will create a real change in your family. You still have time to sign up for the course that begins in mid-January. This could be the best gift you give your family all year!

I am honored to accompany you on your trip as a parent and I look forward to helping you make 2019 the best year for you and your family. Can this year be full of innumerable moments that leave you breathless?